Best of Xebia Offtopic List: Mice in the Office

27 Sep, 2007
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Hello everyone,
Today I would like to make an exception to not report our usual serious, high quality discussions on our technical list, but to bring you a gem on our offtopic list. The original discussion was in Dutch because it was sent to the dutch mailing list, but I will try to translate, if only for our Indian and French coworkers who had to witness the Dutch on the offtopic list, where it was quickly taken..
Apologies in advance for any translation errors..

FromMenno van Eekelen
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 14:56:13

Dear residents and users of the Laapersveld Office,
This mail is not about a mouse infestation at Laapersveld. It is about a shortage of mice, computer mice that is. At Laapersveld there are 3 workstation hired by *customer*. At the moment only 1 of those workstations has a mouse attached. The rest have vanished.
Who has accidentally taken one (or both) of those mice? It is about HP branded mice.

A fairly inconspicious note… First there is the helpful and serious manager:

FromGerard Janssen
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:08:31

There are still surplus mice here at the Maapertuus Office..

Then this horrible news arrived..

FromLars Vonk
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:17:11

The mice are in our hands. If you ever want to see them back alive we demand new batteries for our Wii-remotes!
Lars (On behalf of the mousenappers, I am innocent of course)
This picture was included:

Lucky our lovely Kimm was able to render assistance:

FromKimm Schut-Schoone
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:23:23

The secretaries will take on the job of negotiators. Where can we have the exchange? We have the ransom.

Finally someone with some sense replied. Of course we don’t negotiate with terrorists!

FromBarre Dijkstra
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:30:55

Considering the seriousness of the situation I would like to propose we take this to the MT Security Council to pass a resolution against this serious crime.
Until a resolution is passed and sanctions are applied I would advise against handing over any ransom. It would only encourage these mousenappers to commit even more heinous crimes.
For now it is just batteries they want, but before you know it they will want cans of cola!
Our thoughts and prayers are with those users of PCs without a mouse, but we strongly discourage the secretaries to give in to the demands of these mousenappers.

It is a good thing we have smart managers.. this one smells blood.

FromVincent Partington
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:33:24

(My apologies to the non-Dutchies, we have a hostage situation involving mice in Hilversum. There is no time to translate or we'll have to do everything by keyboard!)
Hee Lars,
If the mice are in "our hands", you are guilty as well. Who is "our" actually? The *Customer* Team? Or F-side Diemen Noord?

Finally we were contacted by the mousenappers again..

FromLars Vonk
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:36:23

15.45 at the Laaperveld Office. Come alone!
As you can see the mice are doing well for now. But we can't vouch for their safety when our ransom demands aren't met quickly.

The horror! And then an accomplice made himself heard…

FromJeroen van Erp
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:41:43

If we don't have the ransom within 5 minutes we will cut the tail off of one of the mice. After that we will cut a tail from a mouse every 5 minutes until we get the ransom.

This proved to be too much for our usually peaceful Barre. And he makes this emotional plea…

FromBarre Dijkstra
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:48:27

I would like to press for the formation of a special forces strike team. The situation is rapidly spinning out of control. Even though I am strongly in favor of peaceful negotiations it is becoming more and more obvious that the mice are not safe in the hands of these criminals.
The strike team would be able to secure the release of the mice through a combination of guerilla tactics and psychological warfare. The time for negotiations is over.. It is time for swift action!
Every *second* counts for those poor mice. Send in the strike team!

This proved to be too late for one of the mice….

FromLars Vonk
SubjectMice in the Office
DateSeptember 27, 2007 15:52:06
Ok, your time is up and the brutal mousenappers have produced their first casualty.
As you can see, they have put the albino mouse in a Dell.. the screeching was unnerving.
Hurry up with those batteries!

As you can understand this was too much. Putting a Mighty Mouse into a Dell is just too much. It could have been worse though, because the laptop in question was running Linux, but they would have found a windows machine sooner or later.
So I am sorry to have to say we have given in to their demands, handed them the ransom and liberated our mice.
And this is how you get:


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