The Unwritten Playbook: Consulting Advice They Don’t Teach You in Training

Beyond the Technical: The Hidden Art of Software Consulting

I was three weeks into my first major consulting gig when I learned the most important lesson of my career—one that no training had prepared me for.

The client’s CTO had just reviewed our technical architecture, nodded approvingly at our elegant solution, and then said: “This looks great, but the CEO will never approve it. He had a similar system fail at his last company.”

In that moment, I realised something crucial: being right technically wasn’t enough. I hadn’t been hired just to design a system; I’d been hired to navigate the client’s politics, history, and fears. My computer science degree hadn’t covered that.

Welcome to the first post in “The Unwritten Playbook” series, where I’ll share the consulting truths they don’t teach you in formal training. Let’s start with the fundamental reality that separates great consultants from merely good technologists.

The Consultant’s Mindset: Why Thinking Like an Employee Will Sink Your Career

When I mentor new consultants, the first mindset shift I help them make is from “employee thinking” to “consultant thinking.”

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: clients don’t hire consultants who think like their employees—they already have employees.

❌ Employee mindset

• I’ll build what they ask for
• My job is to complete assigned tasks
• Success means meeting the technical requirements
• I should wait for instructions and clarification

✅ Consultant mindset

• I’ll solve the problem behind the request
• My job is to deliver business outcomes
• Success means the client achieves their goals
• I should proactively identify and address gaps

I once watched a brilliant developer-turned-consultant fail spectacularly because he kept his head down writing perfect code while missing the executive infighting that eventually killed the project. His code worked flawlessly, but the project was still deemed a failure.

Unwritten Rule 1️⃣: Clients pay premium rates for consultants not because we write better code, but because we understand the business context in which that code must succeed.

The Real Value You Bring: Is Rarely Your Coding Skills

Let me be brutally honest: unless you’re working with cutting-edge technology, your clients probably have people who can code as well as you can. What they lack—and what they’re actually paying for—is a specific combination of elements that has little to do with your technical certifications.

What clients are really buying:

1. Cross-pollination knowledge: You’ve seen how multiple organisations solve similar problems
2. Acceleration: You can skip the learning curve because you’ve already made those mistakes elsewhere
3. Political cover: Sometimes they need an external voice to say what internal people can’t
4. Pattern recognition: You can spot issues before they become problems
5. Business translation: You can convert technical concepts into business value language

I remember sitting in a meeting where a client’s developer proposed the exact same solution I was about to suggest. The difference? When the executives questioned it, I could say, “This approach worked successfully for three other financial institutions with similar regulatory constraints,” while the internal developer could only say, “I think this is the best approach.”

Same solution, different credibility.

Unwritten Rule 2️⃣: Your experiences across clients are your superpower. Reference them constantly (without breaking confidentiality).

Managing the Expertise Paradox: How to Be Confident When You Don’t Know Everything

Here’s the dirty secret every consultant eventually faces: you’ll frequently be positioned as the expert in rooms where you’re learning just as much as you’re teaching.

The expertise paradox is real and unavoidable. Clients expect you to have immediate answers, but also to understand their unique situation—which, by definition, you’re still learning about.

I’ve developed a four-step approach that’s saved me countless times:

1. Acknowledge and frame: “That’s an interesting challenge. I’ve seen similar situations at other clients…”
2. Ask clarifying questions: “To make sure I understand your specific context, could you tell me more about…?”
3. Bridge to known territory: “This reminds me of a project where we faced…”
4. Collaborative solution: “Based on that experience and what you’ve shared, we might consider…”

This approach buys you time, shows you’re listening, establishes credibility, and creates a collaborative solution—all while you’re actually figuring things out!

I once walked into a client workshop completely unprepared because a calendar mix-up had me in the wrong meeting. Instead of panicking, I used this exact approach, asked thoughtful questions, and related the discussion to a previous project. After the meeting, the client director told me how valuable my “expertise” had been. Sometimes listening intelligently is mistaken for genius.

Unwritten Rule 3️⃣: Clients expect certainty, but respect thoughtfulness. When you don’t know, never guess—instead, structure how you’ll find the answer together.

Building Your Professional Persona: The Unspoken Expectations Clients Have

No one tells you this explicitly, but clients have subconscious expectations about how consultants should behave, speak, dress, and interact. These expectations aren’t fair or necessarily rational, but they’re real.

Your professional persona needs to strike a careful balance:

• Confident but not arrogant
• Polished but not slick
• Friendly but not familiar
• Knowledgeable but not condescending
• Adaptable but not chameleon-like

I learned this lesson when a client took me aside after a meeting and said, “You know your stuff, but you apologised three times in that presentation. It makes the executives nervous about your recommendations.”

The truth is that different clients expect different personas. Government clients often expect formality and comprehensive documentation. Startups typically value adaptability and quick insights. Financial services prize precision and risk awareness.

Your job is to read the environment and adapt appropriately—without losing your authenticity.

Unwritten Rule 4️⃣: Match your client’s formality level and communication style, then dial it up just one notch on the professionalism scale.

The Balancing Act: Serving Three Masters (Client, Firm, and Project)

The most stressful aspect of consulting is the constant balancing act between:

1. The client’s expectations – What they think they’re paying for
2. Your firm’s expectations – Profitability, reusability, future work
3. The project’s requirements – What actually needs to be done technically

These three masters often want conflicting things:

• The client wants customisation, your firm wants reusable assets
• The client wants unlimited support, your firm wants scope boundaries
• The project needs time, the client wants speed, your firm wants efficiency

One of my most uncomfortable moments came when my firm’s partner instructed me to “find opportunities for follow-on work” while the client specifically told me they valued that we “weren’t like other consultants always trying to extend contracts.”

The solution? Radical transparency—but tactfully applied. I’ve found that directly addressing these tensions actually builds trust. For example: “I’ve identified an approach that balances customisation for your specific needs while leveraging our firm’s existing frameworks, which helps with both quality and timeline.”

Unwritten Rule 5️⃣: When tensions between stakeholders arise, name them explicitly (but diplomatically) rather than trying to silently satisfy everyone.

The Ethics Tightrope: When Values Collide

One area no training adequately prepares you for is navigating ethical grey zones. You’ll encounter situations where:

• You’re asked to recommend solutions you don’t believe in
• The client wants you to “fix” a technical assessment to support a predetermined decision
• You discover your firm overpromised capabilities during sales
• The client asks you to work on something outside your expertise

Early in my career, I was pressured to tell a client their aggressive timeline was feasible when I knew it wasn’t. The partner said, “Once we’re in, we can reset expectations.” I still regret not pushing back harder—the project failed, and the client never worked with our firm again.

Develop your personal ethical boundaries before you need them, because in the moment, pressure can cloud judgment.

Unwritten Rule 6️⃣: Your reputation is the only asset you truly own in consulting. Protect it fiercely, even when it costs you in the short term.

Conclusion: It’s About Trust, Not Technology

After 10+ years in consulting, I’ve watched technically brilliant consultants fail and technically average consultants thrive. The difference? The thriving consultants understood that while technology is what we deliver, trust is what we sell.

The most sophisticated architecture diagram means nothing if the client doesn’t trust that you understand their business, respect their constraints, and genuinely care about their success.

The secret playbook of consulting comes down to this: Technical skills get you in the door, but trust gets you invited back.

In the next post in this series, I’ll reveal “The Client Whisperer: Building Relationships That Survive Project Storms”—the unwritten rules of managing client relationships through the inevitable challenges every project faces.

Until then, remember: In consulting, being right is only the beginning. Being trusted is what matters.

What consulting lessons did you learn the hard way? Share your experiences in the comments below!